My ex showed up on my doorstep one day, after I’d kicked him out. He handed me a bag with a dozen eggs and a half-pound of bologna. Okay. I took it just to get him off my back.

Imagine my surprise when I met a mutual friend the same day, and he said, “I saw Alex today, he was bragging that he’d bought groceries for you… said he dropped off a week’s worth of food!”

A dozen eggs and half a pound of bologna. That’s what he called “a week’s worth of food.” No wonder I kicked him out.